If you’ve ended—or are considering ending—a relationship that wasn’t “bad enough” to justify leaving, you might feel confused, guilty, or even ashamed. You’re not alone. And your pain is valid.

At Vision Counselling, we see this story often: people who stay for years in relationships that look fine from the outside but feel hollow on the inside. This article is for anyone carrying the silent grief of walking away from something that wasn’t all bad—but wasn’t quite enough.

Why We Stay “Too Long” in Okay Relationships

Many people struggle to leave long-term relationships that aren’t overtly harmful but leave them feeling unfulfilled. Why?

1. There Was No “Obvious” Reason to Leave

When there’s no cheating, abuse, or explosive conflict, it’s easy to gaslight yourself into staying. You tell yourself others have it worse. You focus on the good moments. You rationalise the emotional disconnect.

2. You Were Holding On to Hope

Hope is powerful. We hope they’ll change. We hope we’ll reconnect. We hope that this phase will pass. But when hope replaces honesty, it keeps us stuck.

3. Fear of Regret, Guilt or Judgment

Especially when your partner is a “good person,” leaving can feel selfish. You might worry what your friends, family, or children will think. You may fear hurting someone who never intended to hurt you.

4. Investment and Time

Psychologists call this the sunk cost fallacy — staying because you’ve already invested years, even if you’re not happy now. This is particularly strong in marriages, or relationships with shared property, finances, or children.

🧠 According to Relationships Australia, emotional dissatisfaction is one of the top three reasons people stay in unhappy relationships long after recognising their unhappiness.

What Grief Looks Like After a “Not-That-Bad” Relationship

Grieving a relationship that wasn’t toxic, but wasn’t right, can be a unique kind of heartbreak. It may look like:

• Questioning yourself constantly: “Was it really that bad?”
• Minimising your experience: “I should’ve just tried harder.”
• Feeling guilty for hurting someone else
• Loneliness with a side of confusion
• Difficulty dating again — especially if your ex wasn’t cruel

What makes this grief harder is that others might not understand it. You may not feel “entitled” to support, and so you don’t ask for it.

But here’s the truth: Your reasons were enough. Your pain is real. And you’re allowed to feel everything that comes with it.

Common Signs You Stayed Too Long

• You lost touch with your own identity in the relationship
• You feel numb or detached instead of relieved after leaving
• You constantly second-guess your decision, even though you know something was missing
• Your sense of self-worth took a hit from years of emotional disconnection
• You feel exhausted — not from the breakup itself, but from the years leading up to it

If this sounds familiar, counselling can help you make sense of what happened — not just between you and your partner, but within yourself.

How Counselling Can Help You Heal

You don’t need a crisis to justify seeking help. Counselling offers a safe space to unpack the “in-between” relationships—the ones that looked fine, but quietly drained you.

At Vision Counselling, we help individuals process:

• Unspoken resentment and unmet needs
• Loss of identity within a relationship
• Grief without closure
• Rebuilding emotional trust and boundaries
• Learning to listen to your gut again

Through therapy, many people realise they weren’t wrong for wanting more. And that leaving was, in fact, an act of self-respect—not failure.

Rebuilding After the Relationship Ends

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen. Here are a few ideas to begin:

🟠 Reconnect with yourself

What did you give up to keep the peace? What passions, friendships, or truths got buried?

🟠 Validate your experience

Stop comparing your pain to someone else’s. Emotional neglect and emotional abuse may look different, but both hurt.

🟠 Let go of “shoulds”

“I should’ve stayed.” “I should be over it by now.” “I should be grateful.”
Replace “should” with “what do I need?”

🟠 Give yourself time

Grieving a long relationship—especially one you didn’t expect to leave—is messy. Don’t rush it.

Final Thoughts

Not all wounds come from broken trust. Some come from too much silence. From a thousand small unmet needs. From loving someone who couldn’t meet you where you were. And from staying when your heart had already moved on.

You are allowed to heal, even if the relationship wasn’t awful. You are allowed to want more, even if your partner wasn’t “bad.” And you are allowed to feel heartbroken, even if it was your choice to leave.

You are not alone.

💬 Struggling to move on from a relationship that wasn’t “bad enough” to leave?

At Vision Counselling, our Perth-based therapists understand the emotional complexity of these experiences.
We offer safe, compassionate support as you process, rebuild, and rediscover who you are.

👉 Book a confidential session today and take your next step forward.

These are the quiet frustrations we hear in counselling rooms every week. They’re often said with a half-laugh, but behind the words lies something deeper: emotional exhaustion. And it has a name — the mental load.

In many relationships, one partner (often—but not always—a woman) becomes the default keeper of logistics, responsibilities, and planning. It’s an invisible burden, and over time, it can quietly erode connection, intimacy, and even a sense of self.

What Is the Mental Load?

The mental load refers to the invisible, ongoing cognitive work of managing a household, family, and relationship. It’s not just about doing things—it’s about thinking about doing them:

• Noticing the milk is low
• Remembering to RSVP to the school event
• Anticipating that winter clothes will need replacing soon
• Managing emotional needs across the household

The partner carrying this load often becomes the one who is always thinking ahead, even during supposed downtime. It’s an exhausting, never-ending mental checklist—and it can lead to resentment when it goes unacknowledged or unshared.

Why It Matters in Relationships

When one person carries the bulk of the mental load, it can cause:

• Chronic stress and emotional burnout
• Breakdowns in communication
• Decreased intimacy
• Resentment and emotional withdrawal

And because the load is mostly invisible, the partner not carrying it may be completely unaware of its weight.

According to a 2022 Relationships Australia report, 61% of women said they carry the emotional burden of their household, compared to 32% of men. For many, this imbalance feels less like a partnership and more like unpaid emotional labour.

Signs One Partner Is Carrying the Mental Load

You or your partner might be carrying the mental load if:

• You’re the one who always remembers birthdays, appointments, or school activities
• You need to ask for help—but no one else anticipates what needs doing
• You feel like you can’t “switch off,” even when relaxing
• You’re often thanked for what you do, but not for what you carry mentally
• You find yourself saying, “It’s just easier if I do it”

Left unaddressed, this imbalance can turn into chronic disconnection.

How to Start Sharing the Load

Rebalancing the mental load isn’t about making a to-do list—it’s about shifting awareness, ownership, and teamwork. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge It Exists

Start by naming it. Many couples don’t realise there’s an imbalance until one person finally burns out. Open a conversation with honesty, not blame.

Try: “I feel like I’m constantly thinking ahead for us—meals, bills, everything. It’s making me feel stretched and unseen.”

2. Shift from Helping to Ownership

A partner who “helps” is still waiting to be asked. True balance comes when both partners take initiative, anticipate needs, and share mental responsibility.

3. Divide Roles Based on Strengths

It’s not about 50/50 in every task—it’s about shared mental awareness. If one person handles bills, the other might handle school logistics. Balance the invisible load as well as the visible.

4. Check in Weekly

Have a Sunday night “reset” together. Review the week ahead, check in emotionally, and make sure the load isn’t creeping back onto one person’s shoulders.

When Mental Load Turns into Emotional Distance

Often, clients come to relationship counselling after years of carrying too much—and feeling unseen. The weight of the mental load doesn’t just lead to exhaustion. It chips away at trust, desire, and teamwork.

Counselling provides a neutral space where both partners can hear each other without defensiveness. It allows the partner carrying the load to speak freely—and the other partner to understand their role, often for the first time.

Final Thoughts

The mental load isn’t about laziness or control—it’s about invisible imbalance. Addressing it isn’t just practical; it’s emotional. It says, “We’re in this together.”

If you’re feeling the silent strain of unshared mental labour, you don’t have to carry it alone. A small shift in awareness can lead to big changes in connection.

💬 Struggling with imbalance or burnout in your relationship?

At Vision Counselling, we support couples across Perth to navigate mental load, rebuild emotional connection, and create healthier communication habits.
With multiple locations across Perth and online appointments available, support is closer than you think.

👉 Book your relationship counselling session today and take the next step toward a more balanced, connected partnership.

Emotional disconnection is one of the most common reasons couples seek relationship counselling—and one of the most misunderstood. While many people look for more obvious issues like cheating or constant fighting, it’s this quiet drift that can be the real red flag.

What Is Emotional Disconnection?

Emotional disconnection is the gradual erosion of emotional intimacy between partners. It can feel like:

• Talking without really communicating
• Being in the same room but not feeling seen
• Avoiding vulnerability to “keep the peace”
• Feeling more like flatmates than lovers

This form of detachment doesn’t always result from a specific event. Sometimes, it’s the slow accumulation of stress, life changes, or simply not making time for each other.

Why It Matters More Than You Think

According to relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman, couples who stop turning toward each other emotionally are more likely to separate than those who argue regularly. It’s not conflict that kills connection—it’s indifference.

Emotional disconnection can:

• Increase feelings of loneliness, even within the relationship
• Lead to resentment, withdrawal, or infidelity
• Undermine trust, safety, and shared purpose
• Create communication breakdowns

Left unchecked, disconnection often snowballs into deeper emotional and relational problems.

Common Causes of Emotional Disconnection

There are many reasons couples start to drift:

• Stress and burnout: Work pressure, parenting, financial stress
• Major life transitions: Moving, career changes, becoming parents
• Unresolved conflict: Avoiding tough conversations builds walls
• Trauma or mental health struggles: Depression or anxiety can reduce emotional availability
• Technology and distraction: Screen time often replaces quality time

Understanding the why behind the disconnect is a crucial first step to repair.

Signs You Might Be Emotionally Disconnected

You may be emotionally disconnected if:

• You rarely have deep or meaningful conversations
• Affection has dwindled or feels mechanical
• You feel misunderstood or emotionally unsupported
• You’d rather talk to friends or coworkers about your feelings
• You argue about logistics, but never about feelings

If you’re feeling more like roommates than romantic partners, it’s time to pay attention.

How to Rebuild Connection

Reconnection is absolutely possible, but it requires intention and effort from both partners. Here’s how:

1. Start with Small Moments of Connection

Make eye contact. Say “thank you.” Ask “How was your day?” and really listen. These micro-moments matter.

2. Set Aside Quality Time (No Screens)

Prioritise regular date nights, walks, or coffee catchups—just the two of you, without distractions.

3. Speak Emotionally, Not Logistically

Try saying “I feel lonely when we don’t talk” instead of “You never talk to me.” Shift from blame to vulnerability.

4. Seek Relationship Counselling

At Vision Counselling, our experienced therapists provide a neutral space where both partners can explore what’s not being said and learn to communicate effectively.

Relationship counselling isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s for couples who want to reconnect before it’s too late.

Final Thoughts

Emotional disconnection often creeps in silently—but it speaks volumes about the health of your relationship. If you’re feeling distant from your partner, don’t wait for things to “get bad enough.” The earlier you seek support, the better your chances of rebuilding closeness and mutual understanding.

Remember: A strong relationship isn’t one without struggle, but one where both people are willing to reconnect and grow.

💬 Ready to reconnect and rebuild your relationship?
At Vision Counselling, our experienced counsellors are here to help couples navigate emotional disconnection, improve communication, and restore closeness.

Book a confidential session today and take the first step toward a stronger, more connected partnership.
👉 Book Now

The Double-Edged Sword of Digital Intimacy

Technology has revolutionized the way we connect with our partners. From instant messaging to video calls, digital tools have bridged physical distances, allowing couples to maintain closeness regardless of location. However, this constant connectivity can also blur boundaries, leading to potential issues in relationships.

A study by Pew Research Center found that 40% of partnered adults are bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their cellphone, with younger adults reporting higher levels of distraction during conversations. (pewresearch.org)

Establishing Healthy Digital Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries around technology use is crucial for maintaining relationship health. Couples should discuss and agree upon acceptable behaviors, such as:

• Device-Free Zones: Designate certain areas or times (e.g., during meals or before bedtime) as tech-free to encourage direct interaction.
• Social Media Agreements: Decide together what is appropriate to share online about your relationship to prevent misunderstandings.
• Communication Expectations: Set expectations for response times and availability to avoid feelings of neglect or intrusion.

By proactively discussing these aspects, couples can prevent conflicts and foster mutual respect.

Navigating Trust and Privacy in the Digital Age

The digital landscape introduces new challenges to trust and privacy. Practices like sharing passwords or constant location tracking, while sometimes intended to demonstrate transparency, can lead to feelings of surveillance and control.

A survey by Our Watch revealed that nearly one-third of young Australians believe that jealousy and constant location tracking are normal or indicative of care in relationships. (dailytelegraph.com.au)

It’s essential for couples to differentiate between healthy transparency and invasive behaviors. Open discussions about comfort levels and boundaries can help maintain trust without compromising individual privacy.

Enhancing Connection Through Technology

While technology can pose challenges, it also offers opportunities to strengthen relationships:

• Virtual Dates: Couples separated by distance can schedule regular video calls to maintain intimacy.
• Shared Digital Activities: Engaging in online games or watching movies together can create shared experiences.
• Expressive Communication: Sending thoughtful messages or sharing digital photo albums can reinforce emotional bonds.

By using technology mindfully, couples can enhance their connection and adapt to modern relationship dynamics.

Seeking Professional Support

If digital challenges are impacting your relationship, seeking professional guidance can be beneficial. At Vision Counselling, we offer services tailored to address modern relationship issues, including:

• Relationship Counselling Perth
• Telehealth Counselling

Our experienced counsellors can help you navigate the complexities of digital intimacy and establish healthy boundaries.

Conclusion

In the age of technology, maintaining a healthy relationship requires intentional effort and open communication. By setting clear digital boundaries and leveraging technology to enhance connection, couples can navigate the digital landscape successfully. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, and resources are available to help you and your partner thrive in the digital age.

References:

1. Pew Research Center. (2020). Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age. (pewresearch.org)
2. Our Watch. (2025). ‘Comfort Zone’ Campaign Findings. (dailytelegraph.com.au)

Note: For personalized support, consider reaching out to Vision Counselling to explore how we can assist you in strengthening your relationship in today’s digital world.

Understanding Pre-Separation Counselling

Pre-separation counselling is a therapeutic process aimed at assisting couples who are considering ending their relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on strengthening the relationship, pre-separation counselling provides a space to discuss the potential end of the partnership, explore feelings, and plan for the future.

In Australia, this form of counselling is gaining traction as couples seek clarity and support during challenging times. According to Dr. Aspasia Karageorge from Sydney City Psychology, early intervention can prevent conflict, aid in decision-making, and sometimes lead to reconciliation.

Benefits of Pre-Separation Counselling

1. Enhanced Communication

Counselling sessions provide a neutral ground for partners to express their thoughts and feelings openly. This environment fosters improved communication, allowing couples to understand each other’s perspectives and address misunderstandings.

2. Informed Decision-Making

By discussing the implications of separation, including emotional, financial, and familial aspects, couples can make well-informed choices about their future. This proactive approach can reduce uncertainty and anxiety associated with the decision to separate.

3. Emotional Support

The process of contemplating separation can be emotionally taxing. Counsellors provide support to help individuals process their emotions, cope with stress, and navigate the complexities of their situation.

4. Preparation for Co-Parenting

For couples with children, pre-separation counselling can address concerns related to co-parenting. Discussions may include parenting plans, communication strategies, and ways to minimize the impact of separation on children.

5. Potential for Reconciliation

In some cases, counselling may reveal underlying issues that, when addressed, can lead to reconciliation. By identifying and working through problems, couples may find renewed commitment to their relationship.

The Australian Context

In Australia, the importance of counselling in the context of separation is recognized by various organizations. Family Relationships Online, an Australian government initiative, emphasizes that family law counselling can help individuals manage the emotional impact of separation and improve communication with former partners.

Additionally, services like Centacare offer pre or post-separation counselling to assist couples and families in managing relationship issues arising from changes, separation, or divorce.

Common Questions About Pre-Separation Counselling

Integrating Pre-Separation Counselling into Relationship Support Services

Given the benefits of pre-separation counselling, integrating it into existing relationship support services can enhance the support available to couples. Organizations like Family Relationship Centres offer specialized pre-separation counselling services to address this need.

By providing tailored support for couples at this critical juncture, counselling services can play a pivotal role in promoting emotional well-being, informed decision-making, and, where possible, reconciliation.

Conclusion

Pre-separation counselling serves as a valuable resource for couples navigating the complexities of potential separation. By fostering open communication, providing emotional support, and facilitating informed decisions, it empowers individuals to approach their relationship crossroads with clarity and much needed support.

In the Australian context, where support services recognize the importance of counselling in managing relationship transitions, integrating pre-separation counselling into existing offerings can significantly benefit couples and families.

If you feel that you would like to meet with a counsellor for pre-separation counselling, you can choose a therapist for face to face counselling or online counselling here – https://www.visioncounselling.com.au/therapist-near-me/

References

• Family Relationships Online. (n.d.). Separation and counselling. https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/separation/separation-counselling
• Centacare. (n.d.). Pre or Post Separation Counselling. https://www.cccsa.org.au/services/counselling-services/pre-or-post-separation-counselling/
• Daily Telegraph. (2024). Could pre-separation counselling save your divorce? Retrieved from https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/preseparation-counselling-divorce/news-story/34bac3d1fe2faa62dc7c876ac9900c35
• Clinton Power. (2022). Pre-Divorce Counselling: 10 Reasons to Give It a Try. https://clintonpower.com.au/2022/06/pre-divorce-counselling/

In this article, we’ll explore what gaslighting is, how it affects mental health, and how relationship counselling can help rebuild self-trust and emotional resilience.

What Is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse where a person or group makes someone question their reality, memories, or perceptions. The term originates from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into believing she is losing her mind.

According to the U.S. based National Domestic Violence Hotline (source), gaslighting is a common tactic used in abusive relationships to gain control over a victim by making them question their thoughts and feelings.

Common Gaslighting Tactics

✅ Denying facts or events – “That never happened.”
✅ Shifting blame – “You’re just being too sensitive.”
✅ Contradicting evidence – “You’re imagining things.”
✅ Undermining emotions – “You’re overreacting.”
✅ Using confusion as control – “You always remember things wrong.”

What is Gaslighting in a Relationship?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where one partner makes the other doubt their thoughts, memories, and perceptions. This can happen subtly over time or through more overt tactics, leading the victim to question their reality, self-worth, and even sanity.

In romantic relationships, gaslighting can be especially damaging because trust and communication are the foundation of a healthy partnership. A gaslighting partner may:

• Deny things they previously said or did, making their partner feel confused or forgetful.
• Dismiss their partner’s emotions, telling them they’re “too sensitive” or “overreacting.”
• Twist the truth or shift blame to avoid responsibility.
• Make their partner feel like they must rely on them for validation and truth.

Over time, this manipulation can erode self-confidence, making it difficult for victims to trust their emotions, set boundaries, or leave toxic relationships.

Victims of gaslighting often struggle to set boundaries, trust their own judgment, or feel confident in their emotions.

🔗 Related: How to Recognize and Heal from Past Relationship Trauma

The Psychological Effects of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have severe and long-lasting effects on emotional well-being. Studies have shown that psychological manipulation can contribute to anxiety, depression, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) (American Psychological Association).

Common psychological effects include:

🔹 Low self-esteem – Constant self-doubt can make individuals feel worthless.
🔹 Anxiety and depression – Emotional manipulation leads to ongoing distress.
🔹 Isolation – Gaslighters often alienate victims from supportive relationships.
🔹 Hypervigilance – Victims may become overly cautious or fearful.
🔹 Difficulty trusting others – Gaslighting can make future relationships challenging.

How Gaslighting Impacts Long-Term Mental Health

A report published by Psychology Today states that gaslighting can result in cognitive dissonance, where victims struggle to align their internal reality with the distorted version presented by the abuser. This often leads to self-doubt, chronic stress, and emotional exhaustion.

How to Recover from Gaslighting

Breaking free from gaslighting takes intentional steps toward self-awareness and healing. Here’s how you can start:

🟢 Acknowledge the manipulation – Recognizing gaslighting is the first step to breaking free.
🟢 Rebuild self-trust – Keep a journal to validate your experiences and emotions.
🟢 Set firm boundaries – Limit contact with the manipulator when possible.
🟢 Seek professional support – Counselling can provide guidance and coping strategies.
🟢 Surround yourself with support – Trusted friends and family can help reinforce reality.

If you suspect you’re experiencing gaslighting, reaching out for professional counselling can be a crucial step toward recovery.

Final Thoughts

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can deeply impact mental and emotional well-being. Recognizing the signs and seeking support can help you regain confidence and break free from emotional abuse.

If you’re struggling with gaslighting effects or recovering from a past toxic relationship, relationship counselling in Perth can provide the tools to rebuild self-esteem, set boundaries, and heal from emotional trauma.

Need support? Reach out today and take the first step toward emotional recovery.

What is Past Relationship Trauma?

Relationship trauma occurs when past experiences negatively affect your emotional well-being and future relationships. It can stem from various circumstances, such as:

• Emotional or psychological abuse – Gaslighting, manipulation, or persistent criticism that affects self-esteem.
• Physical or verbal abuse – Aggressive behaviour or harmful communication.
• Betrayal and infidelity – The loss of trust due to dishonesty.
• Narcissistic or toxic relationships – Being controlled or emotionally drained.
• Codependency – Prioritizing another’s needs at the expense of your own emotional well-being.

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), relationship trauma can lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)-like symptoms, anxiety, depression, and difficulties forming healthy relationships in the future.

Signs of Unresolved Relationship Trauma

Recognizing the signs of past relationship trauma is an essential step toward healing. Common indicators include:

✅ Difficulty trusting others – Fear of betrayal or being hurt again.
✅ Fear of abandonment or rejection – Anxiety over losing close connections.
✅ Emotional numbness or detachment – Suppressing emotions to avoid pain.
✅ Recurring patterns of unhealthy relationships – Feeling drawn to toxic or emotionally unavailable partners.
✅ Low self-esteem or self-doubt – Internalizing past criticisms or mistreatment.
✅ Hypervigilance or overanalyzing situations – Constantly assessing interactions for potential threats.

If you recognize these patterns in yourself, seeking professional support can help you navigate your healing journey.

How to Heal from Relationship Trauma

Healing from relationship trauma takes time and effort, but it’s possible to rebuild your emotional well-being and develop healthier relationship patterns. Here are some essential steps to begin your recovery process.

1. Acknowledge and Validate Your Experience

The first step toward healing is recognizing that what you went through was significant. Many people downplay their experiences or blame themselves, but it’s essential to validate your emotions. Trauma affects everyone differently, and acknowledging your pain is the first step toward recovery.

📌 Tip: Consider journaling your experiences and emotions to gain clarity and begin processing past pain.

2. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns

Relationship trauma often leads to negative self-beliefs such as:

❌ “I’m not worthy of love.”
❌ “I’ll never be able to trust anyone again.”
❌ “Every relationship will end badly.”

These thoughts can be deeply ingrained, but cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques can help challenge and reframe them. If you’re struggling with these patterns, seeking support from a professional counsellor can be incredibly beneficial.

💡 Related Reading: How Does Counselling Help Anxiety?

3. Set and Enforce Healthy Boundaries

If past relationships lacked boundaries, learning to set them is key to protecting your emotional well-being. Boundaries can include:

• Limiting contact with toxic individuals.
• Expressing your needs openly in relationships.
• Saying “no” without guilt or fear of rejection.

📌 Tip: If you find boundary-setting difficult, assertiveness training or working with a therapist can help you develop these skills.

4. Engage in Self-Care and Mindfulness

Self-care is essential for emotional healing. Prioritizing activities that nurture your mental and physical health can help restore your sense of self-worth. Consider:

• Mindfulness and meditation – Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided sessions for emotional healing.
• Exercise and movement – Physical activity can reduce stress and boost mood.
• Creative expression – Art, music, or writing can help process emotions in a safe way.

📌 Tip: The Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program offers evidence-based mindfulness techniques for emotional resilience.

5. Seek Professional Support

Working with a counsellor or psychologist can provide the guidance needed to heal from past relationship trauma. Therapy approaches that may help include:

• Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps reframe negative thoughts and behavioral patterns.
• Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): Used for trauma recovery.
• Somatic Therapy: Focuses on releasing trauma stored in the body.

If you’re in Australia, consider reaching out to Vision Counselling for professional support.

💡 Related Reading: What is Somatic Therapy for Trauma?

6. Take Your Time in Future Relationships

After experiencing relationship trauma, re-entering the dating world can be intimidating. It’s okay to take things slowly and set your own pace. Signs that you may be ready for a new relationship include:

✅ Feeling emotionally stable without needing validation from others.
✅ Trusting yourself to set and maintain boundaries.
✅ Being able to communicate openly about your needs and expectations.

📌 Tip: If dating feels overwhelming, consider speaking to a therapist about attachment styles and relationship patterns.

Final Thoughts

Healing from past relationship trauma is a journey, but with time, self-awareness, and support, you can regain trust in yourself and others. By prioritizing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help when needed, you can move forward with confidence and build fulfilling, healthy relationships.

If you need support, speaking with a professional counsellor can provide personalized strategies to help you heal.

Where to Get Help

🔹 Vision Counselling – Book a Session
🔹 Lifeline Australia – 13 11 14 (24/7 Crisis Support)
🔹 Beyond Blue – 1300 22 4636 (Mental Health Support)
🔹 Headspace (for young adults) – www.headspace.org.au

For many couples, the idea of attending counselling can feel daunting. At Vision Counselling, we understand that taking this step requires courage, and we’re here to make the process as supportive and constructive as possible. Whether you’re facing communication challenges, life transitions, or deeper relationship issues, our goal is to create a safe space where you and your partner can explore solutions together.

What Happens in the First Session?

Couples often wonder what to expect during their first counselling session. The feedback we hear most often is that it’s far less intimidating than they anticipated. The initial session is focused on getting to know you as a couple—your history, your current challenges, and your relationship dynamics. Think of it as an opportunity to lay the groundwork rather than expecting immediate solutions.

We take time to understand how you interact, communicate, and resolve conflict. Our approach is centred on viewing the relationship itself as the “third client” in the room. This means we focus on the patterns and dynamics between you rather than placing blame on one partner.

How Do We Start Making Progress?

Typically, the first couple of sessions focus on assessment. Once we have a clearer picture of the relationship, we move into practical work, such as enhancing communication skills and strengthening emotional connections. Many couples find that addressing patterns of behaviour early on allows them to make meaningful changes.

When Should Couples Seek Counselling?

Research by relationship expert Dr. John Gottman indicates that couples often wait an average of six years before seeking help. That’s a long time for resentment to build, making it harder to repair wounds. At Vision Counselling, we believe that the earlier you seek support, the better the outcomes.

If you feel stuck in repetitive conflicts, struggle to communicate effectively, or experience a growing sense of disconnection, it’s a good time to consider counselling. While it’s never too early to seek support, there can be a point where it’s too late—so don’t wait until the relationship is in crisis.

Addressing Common Concerns

Affordable Options for Couples Counselling

We recognise that the cost of counselling can be a barrier for some couples. At Vision Counselling, we offer various options to make therapy accessible. Additionally, there are community organisations, such as Relationships Australia and local clinics, that provide free or low-cost services. Couples can also explore online resources, such as the Gottman Institute and the book The Five Love Languages, to start improving their relationship at home.

Is Counselling Worth the Investment?

For couples committed to improving their relationship, counselling can be a valuable investment. While it’s not a quick fix, many couples find that ongoing support helps them develop stronger communication and deeper emotional bonds. Sessions may start out more frequently and then taper off as progress is made, allowing couples to continue applying what they’ve learned.

Finding the Right Counsellor

It’s important to find a counsellor whose approach aligns with your needs. At Vision Counselling, we encourage open communication and invite feedback during sessions. If you ever feel the fit isn’t right, we’re happy to help you find another professional who may be better suited.

Final Thoughts

Couples counselling isn’t just for relationships in crisis. It’s a proactive step that can strengthen connections, resolve conflicts, and foster a deeper understanding between partners. Whether you’re navigating a major life change or simply want to improve your relationship, Vision Counselling is here to support you every step of the way.

If you’re ready to start your journey or have questions about our services, contact us today to schedule a session by visiting https://www.visioncounselling.com.au/book-online/

When Is Couples Therapy Not the Right Fit?

While couples therapy is generally beneficial, it’s important to recognize that it may not be effective in all cases. Here are some situations where therapy might not yield the desired results:

1. Lack of Commitment from One or Both Partners

For couples therapy to succeed, both partners need to be fully committed to the process. If one partner is unwilling to participate or approach therapy with an open mind, progress may be limited. According to the American Psychological Association, therapy is most effective when both individuals are engaged and willing to make changes (APA).

2. Incompatibility with the Therapist

A good connection with the therapist is critical for successful couples therapy. If the therapist’s style or approach doesn’t align with the couple’s needs, it can hinder progress. Research indicates that the therapeutic alliance—trust and rapport between the therapist and clients—is a key predictor of therapy outcomes (National Institutes of Health).

Tip: Before committing to a therapist, schedule an initial consultation to ensure compatibility and discuss your goals for therapy.

Challenges Within the Therapy Process

3. Uncovering Deep-Seated Issues

Couples therapy often involves exploring difficult emotions and unresolved issues. While this can be transformative, it may temporarily increase stress or tension within the relationship. Couples need to be prepared for this emotional work, as it’s often necessary for long-term improvement.

For more information on managing emotions during therapy, visit Better Relationships Australia.

4. Financial and Time Investment

Therapy requires a commitment of both time and money, which can be a barrier for some couples. In Australia, the cost of couples therapy typically ranges from $150 to $250 per session. While this investment can lead to meaningful change, it may not be accessible for everyone.

Explore affordable counselling options with Vision Counselling’s Perth Locations.

Possible Negative Outcomes

5. Worsening of Conflicts

In some cases, therapy can initially exacerbate conflicts as underlying issues are brought to the surface. Without a strong commitment to resolving these issues, couples may feel overwhelmed and discouraged. A study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that therapy outcomes are closely tied to a couple’s ability to work collaboratively outside of sessions (Journal of Marital and Family Therapy).

Tip: Set realistic expectations and be prepared to face challenges as part of the healing process.

6. Therapy May Highlight Incompatibilities

Therapy can reveal deeper incompatibilities or unresolved issues that make reconciliation difficult. While this can be painful, it may also provide clarity, allowing couples to make informed decisions about their future.

If you’re exploring options for your relationship, consider Vision Counselling’s Individual Counselling Services for additional support.

Alternatives to Couples Therapy

If couples therapy doesn’t feel like the right fit, there are other options for improving your relationship, such as:

• Self-Help Resources: Books, podcasts, and online courses can provide valuable insights into relationship dynamics.
• Workshops and Seminars: Programs designed for couples often offer practical tools for improving communication and connection.
• Individual Therapy: Sometimes, personal growth through individual therapy can positively impact the relationship as a whole.

Conclusion

Couples therapy is a valuable tool for many relationships, but it’s not without its challenges. Understanding the potential disadvantages, such as lack of commitment, financial costs, or highlighting deeper issues, can help you make an informed decision. If you and your partner are considering therapy, Vision Counselling’s Relationship Counselling Services provide compassionate, professional support to help you navigate these challenges.

Take the first step today by contacting us to book a consultation and discover how we can support your journey toward a healthier, stronger relationship.

Couples therapy offers a structured way for partners to address challenges and improve their relationship, yet the cost is a common question and sometimes a barrier for many. Here, we’ll explore the various factors that influence the cost of couples therapy, with external links and references to help you make an informed decision.

Factors Influencing the Cost of Couples Therapy

1. Location and Market Rates
   Therapy rates often depend on location, with urban areas generally seeing higher costs. For example, in Australia, couples therapy rates can vary from $150 to $250 per session depending on the city and the therapist’s experience (https://psychology.org.au/for-the-public/what-it-costs).
2. Therapist’s Experience and Credentials
   Therapists with specialized training in couples therapy may charge higher rates due to their advanced skills in managing complex relationship dynamics. The Gottman Institute and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) are reputable training programs that often influence therapist pricing (Gottman Institute, Emotionally Focused Therapy).
3. Session Length and Frequency
   Standard sessions typically last 50-60 minutes, although extended sessions are available at a higher cost. Exploring options for session frequency that fit your budget can make therapy more manageable.
4. Insurance Coverage and Rebates
   Medicare in Australia does not generally cover couples therapy, though some private insurance policies may offer rebates for relationship counseling. Checking your private health insurance coverage ahead of time can help offset costs (Services Australia).

Average Cost of Couples Therapy in Australia

On average, couples therapy sessions cost between $150 and $250 per hour in Australia. Many therapists also offer sliding scale fees to accommodate different financial situations, making therapy more accessible. Weekly or biweekly sessions may suit some couples, allowing for steady progress without overextending finances (Relationships Australia).

Online vs. In-Person Couples Therapy Costs

Virtual therapy has become increasingly popular and is often more affordable than in-person therapy. Research indicates that online couples therapy can be just as effective as in-person sessions, making it a viable option for many couples who are balancing busy schedules or looking to save. (https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/journal/17520606)

Making Couples Therapy Affordable

• Sliding Scale Fees
  Many therapists provide sliding scale fees, allowing clients to pay what they can afford based on their income.
• Community Resources and Non-profits
  In Australia, non-profit organizations and community centres may offer free or low-cost couples counseling. While these options may have limitations, they can provide crucial support to couples in need (Beyond Blue).
• Therapist Directories
  Online directories like Good Therapy Australia allow users to search for therapists within their budget and location, helping to make therapy more accessible.

Is Couples Therapy Worth the Cost?

Studies show that couples therapy is highly effective, with a 70-75% success rate for those seeking help to improve their relationship. By addressing conflicts and improving communication early on, couples therapy can lead to longer-lasting, healthier relationships, making it a valuable investment (American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy).

Conclusion: Investing in Your Relationship’s Future

The cost of couples therapy may vary, but the investment in a stronger, more resilient relationship can be invaluable. Exploring various resources, discounts, and payment options can help you find affordable, quality support, enabling you and your partner to focus on building a fulfilling and lasting relationship.

At Vision, the current cost for couples counselling is $189 for a 1 hour appointment (current at Oct 2025). Appointments can be booked online or by contacting our office.