We spend a huge part of our lives at work — and when things go wrong there, it can shake more than just our schedule. You might notice that you’re taking work home in your head, replaying a conversation or dreading the next day before it even starts.

Maybe it’s a colleague who leaves you feeling small in meetings.
Maybe it’s the “in group” culture that makes you feel invisible.
Or maybe it’s the tension of trying to stay professional while quietly breaking inside.

When the workplace becomes personal, it’s not just about performance — it’s about emotional survival.

The Hidden Cost of Workplace Conflict

Conflict, gossip, or exclusion at work can eat away at your sense of belonging. It can lead to anxiety, poor sleep, loss of motivation, and even physical stress symptoms.

For some, it’s a pattern that builds slowly — the small comments, the rolling eyes, the whispered conversations. For others, it’s a major confrontation that changes everything overnight.

In our Perth counselling rooms, it is not uncommon for us to hear things like:

“I used to love my job… but now I feel sick driving there.”

Workplace conflict doesn’t always come from bad people — sometimes it’s poor communication, unclear boundaries, or a culture that rewards competition over care. But no matter the cause, it hurts.

Why “Just Get Over It” Doesn’t Work

People often tell themselves to toughen up or stay quiet. But emotions don’t clock off at 5pm. When you suppress conflict or tolerate poor treatment, the stress compounds.

Over time, chronic workplace tension can lead to burnout, mental fatigue, or even depression【1】. And for many professionals, it also brings guilt: “I should be able to handle this.”

Counselling can help you process that emotional load — not by rehashing every detail, but by helping you find clarity, confidence, and healthier ways to respond.

Understanding Workplace Culture

Every workplace has a culture — spoken or unspoken rules about how people behave. Sometimes that culture is supportive. Other times, it’s built on pressure, competition, or fear of standing out.

When you start to feel unsafe being yourself at work, it’s a sign that the culture may not be healthy.
A counsellor can help you:

• Understand your role within that culture
• Identify boundaries that protect your wellbeing
• Explore strategies to communicate effectively
• Develop resilience to stay calm amid tension

(Safe Work Australia offers helpful guidelines on psychosocial hazards and workplace relationships.)

For Employers and HR Leaders

Toxic or high-conflict environments don’t just affect individuals — they ripple through teams. Productivity drops, absenteeism rises, and good people quietly leave.

Supporting staff through counselling or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) can help prevent small issues from turning into resignations or long-term burnout.

When employees feel heard and supported, trust and communication improve — and so does the entire workplace culture.

Real People, Real Emotions

At Vision Counselling, we’ve met countless Perth professionals who walked in feeling defeated — and walked out with a plan, a voice, and a sense of relief.

One team member described it perfectly:

“I couldn’t change the people at work, but I changed how I responded — and that changed everything.”

Counselling can help you do the same. Whether you’re an employee trying to survive a difficult culture, or a manager wanting to support your team, the first step is acknowledging that emotional wellbeing belongs at work, too.

If the stress of workplace conflict is starting to feel personal, it might be time to talk to someone.
Support is available — confidentially and without judgement.

📅 Book an appointment with a Perth counsellor today — in person or online.

References

1. Safe Work Australia. (2023). Psychosocial Hazards at Work. Retrieved from https://www.safeworkaustralia.gov.au/
2. Beyond Blue. (2024). Dealing with Stress and Anxiety at Work. Retrieved from https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
3. Black Dog Institute. (2024). Managing Workplace Stress. Retrieved from https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/

We all have an inner voice — that quiet stream of thoughts running through our day. For some, it’s a helpful guide. For others, it’s a harsh critic that never rests.

Maybe you recognise it:

• “You’re not good enough.”
• “You always mess things up.”
• “Other people are doing better than you.”

At first, you might brush it off as motivation. But over time, self-criticism chips away at confidence, leaving you feeling small, anxious, or stuck.

The Cost of Constant Self-Criticism

Research shows that people who are highly self-critical are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and burnout【1】. Self-criticism doesn’t only affect your mental health — it also impacts relationships, work, and even physical wellbeing.

Common signs include:

• Setting impossibly high standards and never feeling you meet them
• Avoiding new opportunities because you fear failing
• Dwelling on mistakes for days or weeks
• Struggling to accept compliments
• Feeling exhausted from trying to “prove yourself”

If any of these sound familiar, you’re not alone. Many people in Perth share these struggles quietly, believing it’s just “the way they are.”

Where Does Self-Criticism Come From?

Self-criticism often develops over years. It might stem from:

• Early experiences of being compared, judged, or pressured
• Workplace cultures that focus only on results, not effort
• Societal messages about success, appearance, or achievement
• Perfectionist tendencies that make nothing feel “enough”

While you may not control how this inner critic formed, you can learn to change how it speaks to you today.

Self-Esteem vs. Self-Compassion

Many people assume the answer is simply to “boost self-esteem.” But self-esteem depends on achievement, comparison, or how others see you. It rises and falls with circumstances.

Self-compassion is different. It means treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend — even when things go wrong. It isn’t about being “better than” anyone else; it’s about recognising your shared humanity.

According to Dr Kristin Neff, self-compassion has three key parts【2】:

1. Self-kindness – replacing harsh judgement with understanding.
2. Common humanity – recognising that mistakes and struggles are part of being human.
3. Mindfulness – noticing your thoughts and feelings without being swept away.

Practical Steps to Quiet the Inner Critic

Here are small but powerful ways to begin shifting your self-talk:

• Notice the critic. Write down phrases you often say to yourself. Awareness is the first step.
• Ask: Would I say this to a friend? If not, reframe it in a kinder way.
• Practise “yet.” Instead of “I can’t do this”, try “I can’t do this yet.”
• Use grounding techniques. When self-criticism spirals, pause, breathe, and bring your attention back to the present.
• Celebrate small wins. Acknowledge progress, not just the end goal.

(Beyond Blue has excellent resources on building resilience and self-kindness.)

How Counselling Can Help

Changing your inner voice is not easy alone. Counselling provides a supportive space to:

• Explore where your self-criticism comes from
• Learn tools from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to challenge negative thoughts
• Practise self-compassion strategies with guidance
• Build healthier standards and realistic expectations
• Develop an inner voice that encourages, not attacks

At Vision Counselling, our team supports clients across Perth — from Scarborough to Baldivis and our Perth CBD office — as well as online. Many clients share that the biggest relief is realising they don’t have to live with the critic forever.

A Local Perspective

In our Perth practice, we often meet high achievers, parents juggling too much, and professionals holding themselves to impossible standards. They come in saying they’re “burnt out from their own thoughts.”

With counselling, they learn that self-compassion doesn’t make them weaker — it makes them more resilient.

First Steps You Can Take

If this article resonates with you, here are gentle first steps:

• Keep a journal of your inner critic’s phrases and experiment with softer alternatives.
• Try a short guided meditation for self-compassion (apps like Smiling Mind or Insight Timer are free).
• Reach out to someone you trust and share what you’ve been noticing.
• Consider booking a session with a counsellor to explore your self-talk in a safe, supportive space.

(The Black Dog Institute also provides strategies for managing negative thinking.)

If your inner voice has turned into a harsh critic, it’s time to try something different.
Compassion is not indulgence — it’s strength.

📅 Book an appointment with a Perth counsellor and start building a kinder, more supportive inner voice today.

References

1. Gilbert, P., & Irons, C. (2005). Focused therapies and compassionate mind training for shame and self-attacking.In P. Gilbert (Ed.), Compassion: Conceptualisations, Research and Use in Psychotherapy.
2. Neff, K. (2003). Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward Oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85–101.
3. Breines, J. G., & Chen, S. (2012). Self-Compassion Increases Self-Improvement Motivation. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 38(9), 1133–1143.

You might not be in crisis, but something is off — and that’s exactly when counselling can help.

In Perth, many people wait until they feel completely overwhelmed before seeking support. The truth is, counselling is just as valuable for everyday challenges as it is for major life events. Recognising the signs early can make recovery faster and prevent problems from growing.

Common Signs You Might Benefit from Counselling

Here are some clear indicators that it might be time to speak with a professional:

1. You’re stuck in the same loop of thoughts or worries

If you keep replaying the same scenario in your head, struggling to see it from a different angle, counselling can help break the cycle. Talking it through with someone objective often reveals solutions you can’t see alone.

2. Relationships feel harder than usual

You might notice more arguments with your partner, more distance from friends, or feeling unheard at work. Communication breakdowns often improve once you have tools to express yourself clearly and listen effectively.

3. Changes in sleep, appetite, or motivation

You might be sleeping too much or not enough, eating less or more, or feeling unable to get started on basic daily tasks. These changes can be early signs of stress, anxiety, or depression.

4. Withdrawing from people and activities you enjoy

If you’ve stopped doing the things that once made you happy, it can be a sign you’re struggling emotionally. Counselling can help you reconnect with those parts of life.

5. Stress is showing up physically

Headaches, muscle tension, stomach issues, and other physical symptoms can be linked to emotional stress. A counsellor can help you address the root cause, not just the symptoms.

Why People Often Wait Too Long

Many people in Perth (and across Australia) delay counselling for months or even years. Common reasons include:

• Thinking they should be able to “fix it” themselves
• Worrying about what others might think
• Believing the issue isn’t “serious enough”
• Not knowing where to find help

Unfortunately, waiting often means the problem gets bigger, relationships become strained, and recovery takes longer.

What to Expect in Your First Counselling Session

If you’ve never been to counselling before, you might imagine sitting in a quiet room with someone nodding as you talk. While listening is part of it, your counsellor’s role is much more active.

In your first session, you can expect:

• A warm welcome and a chance to share what’s been going on
• Questions to help your counsellor understand your experiences and goals
• A discussion about what you’d like to work on together
• Clear information about confidentiality and how sessions work

You don’t have to prepare a “script” — just come as you are. Your counsellor will guide the conversation and help you feel comfortable.

(For more on what to expect, see our How It Works page.)

Counselling Is for Everyday Life, Not Just Crisis

Some people think counselling is only for major trauma or mental illness. In reality, it’s also for:

• Improving communication in relationships
• Managing work stress or burnout
• Coping with life transitions (moving house, new job, separation)
• Building confidence and self-esteem
• Developing healthier coping strategies

By seeking help early, you’re giving yourself the chance to recover faster and with less disruption to your life.

Local Support in Perth and Surrounding Areas

At Vision Counselling, we provide in-person sessions at convenient locations across Perth — including Scarborough, Baldivis, and our new Perth CBD office — as well as secure online counselling for clients anywhere in Australia.

Whether you’re walking from Perth Train Station to our Beaufort Street location or connecting from the comfort of your home, we’ll meet you where you are. Our counsellors use evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), and Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, tailored to your needs.

If you’ve been wondering whether counselling might help, that’s often a sign you’re ready to start.
Don’t wait for things to get worse — take the first step today.

📅 Book an appointment with a Perth counsellor now — in person or online.

References

1. Australian Psychological Society. Signs you might benefit from seeing a psychologist. Retrieved from: https://psychology.org.au
2. Beyond Blue. Signs it’s time to get help. Retrieved from: https://www.beyondblue.org.au
3. Black Dog Institute. When to seek professional help. Retrieved from: https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

Empathy vs. Sympathy: Understanding the Difference

Before we explore why empathy works better, let’s clarify the terms. Sympathy and empathy are often mentioned together, but they are not the same. Sympathy usually means feeling sorry for someone’s situation – it’s a bit like standing at the edge of a dark hole where your friend is stuck and calling down, “That looks really rough. I’m sorry you’re down there.” You care that they’re hurt, but you maintain a distance. In contrast, empathy is feeling with the person, as if you climb down into that hole with them, look them in the eye and say, “I’m here with you. I understand something of what you feel.” Empathy is about genuinely understanding and sharing another person’s feelings, fostering a much deeper sense of connection and support. Sympathy, while it comes from kindness, often involves pity – for example, feeling bad for someone – without truly understanding the person’s experience.

Renowned research professor Brené Brown captures it well: “Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection.” In other words, empathy brings people together, making someone feel heard and included, whereas sympathy (especially if it’s just a “poor you” sentiment) can unintentionally create an uneven dynamic – one person up on the ladder offering pity, and the other still down in their pain (twentyonetoys.com). Where sympathy might create a subtle wall (“I feel for you, but I can’t relate”), empathy is a bridge (“I feel with you and I’m here with you”). This difference is huge when it comes to how supported a person feels.

To illustrate, imagine you tell two different friends that you’ve just lost your job. Friend A responds with sympathy: “Oh no, that’s awful. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” It’s a kind sentiment, but you might not feel much better – you might even feel a bit of pity from them. Friend B responds with empathy: “I can only imagine how stressful and upsetting that must be for you. Losing a job is really tough. Do you want to talk about what happened?” In Friend B’s response, they’re acknowledging your specific feelings and opening the door to listen. They’re not trying to fix it or make it go away. They’re just with you in that moment. That feeling – that you’re not alone with your pain – is the heart of empathy.

Why Empathy is More Effective for Emotional Support

When it comes to emotional support and healing, empathy has a profound impact. The reason is simple: empathy creates trust and connection in a way that sympathy doesn’t. An empathetic response tells the person “your feelings matter, and I’m here with you,” which helps someone feel validated and understood. A sympathetic response, despite being caring, might inadvertently send the message “your situation is pitiful,” which can make a person feel isolated or belittled. Empathy is more effective than sympathy because it engenders real trust between people and makes the person in pain feel truly heard and supported. Sympathy keeps an emotional distance (often just expressing sorrow for someone), whereas empathy bridges the gap by putting yourself in the other’s shoes.

Psychologically, feeling understood has a powerful healing effect. One therapeutic insight is that “rarely can a response make something better; what makes something better is connection.” When we’re suffering, we usually aren’t looking for someone to solve our problem with a clever answer – we’re looking for someone who acknowledges our pain and makes us feel less alone in it (twentyonetoys.com). Empathy provides that sense of connection. It says, “I’m with you and I understand,” which often lightens the emotional burden. Sympathy, on the other hand, might just say, “I feel bad for you,” which doesn’t lighten the load in the same way, and can even unintentionally make someone feel more alone.

Consider a counselling scenario: if a client shares, “I’ve been feeling really depressed and nothing seems to help,” a sympathetic reply might be, “I’m so sorry you feel that way. That’s really sad.” There’s kindness in that, but it might stop there. An empathetic reply from a counsellor could be, “That sounds incredibly hard. You’ve been carrying a lot of pain and it makes sense that you feel hopeless right now.” This response not only shows sorrow that the client is hurting, but also reflects understanding of the client’s emotions and the reality of their struggle. The client is more likely to feel safe and understood with the second response. In fact, empathy’s power is backed by research: studies have shown that empathy can lead to better outcomes because people are more likely to engage and trust when they feel understood. For example, in healthcare settings, empathy from providers improves patient satisfaction and even leads to better adherence to treatment – when people feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to follow through on care recommendations. People have reported that empathy and compassion from their caregiver are as important as technical expertise; many would even switch doctors if they felt their provider didn’t truly care. That’s how much being understood matters.

Empathy validates what someone is feeling. One big reason it’s more effective than sympathy is that validation itself can be healing. When a person says, “I feel hurt,” and the response they get is essentially “I hear you – you have every right to feel that way,” a weight lifts off their shoulders. They no longer have to prove their pain or feel guilty for it. Sympathy might validate the situation (“It’s bad that this happened to you”), but empathy validates the person’s emotions (“It’s understandable you feel this hurt”). That validation helps someone move forward through their feelings rather than staying stuck in feeling alone with them.

Moreover, empathy builds a bond of trust. When you respond with empathy, you’re showing vulnerability too – you’re stepping into their world for a moment. Dr. Brené Brown notes, “Empathy is a choice, and it’s a vulnerable one,” because it requires connecting with something in yourself that knows that feeling (twentyonetoys.com). It might be uncomfortable in the moment (feeling a bit of someone else’s pain isn’t easy), but it humanizes the interaction. The person hurting senses that you’re not just looking at them from afar; you’re right there with them. This trust is critical in any supportive relationship, be it between friends, family members, or a therapist and client.

Sympathy vs. Empathy at a Glance

• Sympathy: “I feel sorry for you.” It often implies a degree of separation – you’re looking at someone’s situation from outside. Sympathy can sometimes unintentionally come across as pity. For example, saying “Poor you, this is so terrible” might actually make a person feel worse, as though you see them as helpless. Sympathy tends to offer a momentary comfort (“I care about you”) but then often falls silent, unsure what to do next. It does not necessarily validate the specific emotions the person is experiencing.
• Empathy: “I feel with you.” It’s the act of deeply understanding and sharing the other person’s feelings as if you were in their position (positivepsychology.com). Empathy often involves active listening and reflecting. For example: “I can hear how painful this is for you, and I’ve been through something similar – it really hurts, doesn’t it?” This kind of response normalizes and acknowledges the person’s feelings. Empathy might not have a solution to offer, but it offers companionship in pain, which often matters more than solutions. As one leadership coaching resource succinctly puts it, empathy creates real connection, whereas sympathy may only create a fleeting, surface-level interaction (gowanhealth.com).

In short, empathy is effective because it’s about connection. Sympathy, despite coming from kindness, can inadvertently create a sense of disconnection. Feeling “connected” to someone when you’re in pain – even just knowing that “someone understands me” – can be incredibly powerful. It’s often the first step toward healing or finding hope.

The Role of Empathy in Counselling and Healing

Empathy isn’t just a buzzword in counselling – it’s truly one of the cornerstones of effective therapy. In fact, famous psychologist Carl Rogers (the founder of person-centered therapy) made empathic understanding one of the core conditions for any therapeutic change to occur. According to Rogers, a therapist’s ability to accurately sense and understand the client’s feelings (and to communicate that understanding) is essential for the client to feel safe and start growing. Modern research backs this up: a large meta-analysis of 82 studies (involving over 6,000 clients) found that a therapist’s empathy was a significant predictor of positive therapy outcomes. In plain terms, the more empathetic the therapist was perceived to be, the more likely the client improved. Empathy helps form a strong therapeutic alliance – basically a sense of “we’re in this together” – which is known to be one of the best predictors of therapy success.

At Vision Counselling, our counsellors understand that being genuinely empathetic is critical. A client in individual counselling sessions should feel that their counsellor is fully present, actively listening, and truly striving to understand their perspective. If you’re seeking support for your mental health in Perth (or anywhere), you’ll likely want a therapist who doesn’t just dole out advice or say they’re sorry you’re struggling, but someone who takes the time to understand what you’re feeling. That’s exactly what empathy in counselling entails – the therapist steps into your world for a moment to feel what it’s like for you, and communicates that understanding back to you. Many clients describe feeling a huge sense of relief when they encounter an empathetic listener. “Finally, someone understands me!” is a thought that in itself can start the healing process. On the flip side, if a counsellor were only sympathetic – “Oh, that sounds so bad, I’m sorry” – and then perhaps changes the subject or offers a quick fix, the client might feel a lack of depth or understanding, and could shut down. Empathy encourages the client to open up without fear of judgment, because they sense the counsellor is with them, not judging from outside.

It’s also worth noting that empathy in counselling is a skill. Therapists are trained in techniques like active listening, reflecting feelings, and asking open-ended questions – all tools that convey empathy. A good counsellor will validate your feelings (even if those feelings are painful or complicated) and make you feel heard. This doesn’t mean they’ll always say “me too” to everything – in fact, it’s not about the counsellor’s experiences at all. It’s about the counsellor showing authentic care and understanding for your experience. For example, if you’re crying over a recent breakup, an empathetic counsellor might quietly say, “I can see how deeply this is hurting you. Losing someone you love is incredibly painful.” In that simple statement, they’re acknowledging your pain without trying to rush you out of it or plaster it over with a “you’ll be fine”. And that can make you feel truly supported.

Beyond Counselling: Empathy in Everyday Life and Relationships

Empathy isn’t only crucial in therapy – it’s the glue of human relationships in general. We all yearn to be understood by the people we care about. Whether it’s between spouses, friends, parents and children, or even among colleagues, empathy can dramatically improve communication and trust. Cultivating empathy over sympathy enhances relationships by encouraging us to really listen and engage emotionally with others, leading to more meaningful support and closeness (positivepsychology.com). In contrast, constant sympathy without true understanding can sometimes create distance. Think of a time when you were upset and a friend said something like, “I’m sorry, that’s tough,” but then went on to compare it to their own unrelated problem or just went silent. You probably didn’t feel much better. Now think of a time when someone said, “I hear you – that does sound really hard. Is there anything you need?” or even just “I’m here with you.” That second kind of response likely made you feel more cared for and less alone. That’s the everyday power of empathy.

Empathy also helps defuse conflicts and misunderstandings. If two people are arguing, a sympathetic approach might be to feel bad that the other is upset but still stick firmly to your point of view. An empathetic approach would be actively trying to understand the other person’s feelings and perspective, even if you don’t initially agree. Often just showing you understand where the other is coming from can de-escalate anger. For example, “I get that you’re hurt because it seems like I didn’t show up when you needed me. I think I would feel that way too if I were in your shoes.” This kind of statement can make the other person feel heard, and in turn they may become more open to understanding your side. In relationships, this “I understand you” moment is gold – it builds emotional intimacy and mutual trust.

In workplaces, leaders and team members who practice empathy create a more supportive and positive environment. An empathetic leader will listen to an employee’s concerns and try to feel what they feel, rather than just saying “That’s company policy, sorry you don’t like it.” By acknowledging emotions and showing understanding, leaders can boost morale and loyalty. In fact, empathy in leadership has been shown to improve outcomes: teams function better and people report higher job satisfaction when they believe their manager actually understands and cares about their feelings. Especially after the challenges of recent years, compassionate leadership (grounded in empathy) has been highlighted as key to workplace well-being.

It’s important to mention compassion here too. Empathy and compassion are closely related. If empathy is feeling with someone, compassion is taking that empathy one step further – it’s the desire to help alleviate the other’s suffering. You might think of compassion as “empathy in action.” For example, if you deeply empathize with a friend’s struggle with illness, compassion might move you to bring them a meal or help with their errands. In counselling terms, a therapist’s empathy might lead them to take compassionate actions like connecting the client with additional resources or gently challenging the client to practice self-care. Some experts note that staying solely in empathy (immersed in someone else’s pain) for too long can lead to empathy fatigue, so moving to compassionate action can actually be healthier for the supporter (gowanhealth.com). But that action has to be appropriate – guided by truly understanding what the person feels and needs. In any case, without empathy, compassion can’t really occur – you have to understand someone’s pain first. So empathy is the necessary ingredient that comes before meaningful help or solutions.

How to Practice Empathy (Instead of Sympathy)

Empathy is a natural human ability, but it’s also a skill that we can consciously develop. If you’re not sure how to respond empathetically, here are some practical tips to cultivate empathy in your interactions (these are techniques even counsellors use, and they can help anyone):

• Listen to Understand, Not to Reply: When someone is sharing their feelings or a problem, resist the urge to immediately think of solutions or what you’ll say next. Active listening is key. Pay attention to their words, tone, and body language. Sometimes just staying quiet and truly listening is the most empathetic thing you can do. Avoid interrupting or trying to interject your own stories unless it’s truly to say “I’ve been there and I understand”. Often, a person who is hurting isn’t asking you to fix anything – they just need to feel heard. Show you’re listening by nodding or saying “I get what you’re saying” or “I’m following you.”
• Validate Their Feelings: Validation means letting the person know that their feelings make sense. You don’t have to agree with why they feel that way, but you can certainly acknowledge that they feel that way. Say things like, “I can see why you’d feel upset given what happened,” or “It’s completely understandable that you’re angry – anyone would be in your situation.” Phrases that recognize the emotion – “that sounds terrifying,” “you seem really hurt,” “I can hear how disappointed you are” – show empathy. Avoid jumping into judging their feelings as right or wrong. And try not to use the dreaded “at least” – as in “at least it’s not as bad as…” or “at least now you know…”. Those phrases, while intended to find a silver lining, usually minimize the person’s pain and shut down their chance to feel understood. Empathy sometimes means sitting with the discomfort of the situation without trying to put a silver lining on it.
• Put Yourself in Their Shoes (Perspective-Taking): This classic advice holds true – imagine how you would feel if the same thing were happening to you. This requires humility and sometimes creativity. Maybe you haven’t lost a job like your friend did, but perhaps you can remember what it felt like to face a major disappointment or fear about the future. Tap into that. Dr. Brené Brown outlines this as one of the key components of empathy: try to feel with the person by recalling your own moments of hurt, so you can relate. Be careful not to make it about you though – you’re using your experience only to understand theirs, not to hijack the conversation. For instance, instead of, “Oh, I went through something similar and let me tell you all about it,” an empathetic use of your perspective might be, “I remember feeling so lonely when I went through [XYZ]; I wonder if you’re feeling some of that loneliness too?” This way, you use your experience only to connect and then bring the focus back to them.
• Stay Out of Judgment: Empathy can only occur when we suspend judgment about the person’s situation or choices. If a friend confides in you about something that you have opinions on, hold those opinions back in that moment. For example, if they made a mistake that led to their problem, resist saying anything like “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have done that.” Empathy is not about evaluating the person’s actions; it’s about acknowledging their feelings. You can gently help them reflect or problem-solve later if needed, but the empathetic response comes first. Create a safe, non-judgmental space for them to express themselves.
• Communicate Your Understanding: After listening and observing, reflect back what you’ve heard in your own words. This shows the person that not only did you listen, you truly get the essence of what they shared. You might say, “It sounds like you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t show up when you needed support. That must have been so painful for you.” When you mirror their feelings like this, it’s incredibly validating. They know their message landed with someone. Also, if you get it slightly wrong, that gives them a chance to clarify (“No, it’s not betrayal I feel, it’s more disappointment”). Either way, you’re working toward understanding. This step is essentially empathic communication – it’s not just silently understanding, but actively showing the other person that you do.

These practices take conscious effort, but they can transform interactions. If you’re used to offering sympathy, it might feel a bit awkward at first to respond in these more personal, vulnerable ways. However, the result is often a much stronger sense of connection. People who receive empathy from you will feel more comfortable around you and more confident that you truly care about them. And remember, empathy is a skill you get better at with practice. The more you make that choice to be empathetic, the more natural it will become.

In summary, empathy is like a warm hug for the heart, while sympathy is a polite pat on the back. Both come from a caring place, but empathy reaches deeper into what someone is actually feeling. By prioritizing empathy, we create space for genuine human connection and healing. If you’re going through a hard time, you might find that talking to someone who is empathetic – whether a close friend or a professional – feels far more reassuring than talking to someone who is merely sympathetic. Empathy doesn’t try to fix you or throw silver linings at your problems; it sits with you in your reality and says, “I’m here.” And often, that is exactly what we need to begin healing.

If you’re a client seeking therapy and you’re reading this, know that you deserve empathy. At Vision Counselling, we believe in the power of truly listening and understanding your story. Our team in Perth is dedicated to providing a compassionate, empathetic counselling environment where you’ll never feel like just a number or a case – you’ll feel heard, respected, and cared for.

Whether it’s through individual counselling sessions or any of our services, our focus is on walking alongside you with empathy as you navigate life’s challenges. If you’re ready to experience the difference that empathy can make, you can reach out and find a therapist who truly “gets it.” Remember, you’re not alone, and with the right support, things can get better. Empathy might just be the first step on that journey to feeling understood and moving toward healing.

Rapport is the sense of trust, connection, and comfort that develops between you and your counsellor. It’s the foundation that allows you to feel safe enough to share your story and work through the challenges that brought you to counselling.

At Vision Counselling, we see clients across Perth City, Scarborough, Baldivis and surrounding suburbs, and we understand that taking the first step can feel daunting. Here’s how you can help build strong rapport in your counselling sessions and why it matters.

Why Rapport Matters in Counselling

Counselling isn’t just about strategies or techniques – it’s about connection. Research consistently shows that the relationship between a client and counsellor is one of the strongest predictors of positive outcomes in therapy. When you feel heard and understood, it’s easier to open up and work through difficult emotions.

In a supportive counselling relationship, you’re more likely to:

• Share openly and honestly
• Feel validated and understood
• Gain clarity and perspective
• Build confidence to make changes

Tips for Building Rapport With Your Counsellor

1. Be yourself, even if it feels awkward at first
It’s normal to feel unsure in your first session. Try to be as honest and open as you can – even if that means admitting you’re nervous. Your counsellor understands that this is part of the process and will help you feel more comfortable as you go.

2. Share your goals and expectations
Let your counsellor know what you hope to get out of therapy. Are you looking for practical coping strategies? Space to explore emotions? Clear direction? Being upfront can help your counsellor tailor the sessions to your needs.

3. Ask questions
You are allowed to ask questions about how counselling works, your counsellor’s approach, or anything else you’re unsure about. Feeling informed can help you feel more in control of the process.

4. Give feedback
If something isn’t working for you – maybe you feel the pace is too fast or you’re not connecting with a particular technique – say so. Good counsellors welcome feedback and adjust their approach to suit your needs.

5. Be patient with the process
Rapport doesn’t always happen instantly. For some people it develops quickly, while for others it takes a few sessions to build trust. This is completely normal.

What Your Counsellor Will Do to Build Rapport

At Vision Counselling, our team is trained to create a warm, professional and non-judgemental environment. Here’s what you can expect from us:

• We’ll listen carefully without rushing or interrupting
• We’ll respect your pace and comfort levels
• We’ll explain the process clearly so you know what to expect
• We’ll offer empathy and understanding, even when topics are difficult

Our goal is to make sure you feel supported and safe to explore your thoughts and emotions, no matter what you’re going through.

Finding the Right Counsellor for You

Sometimes rapport simply doesn’t click with a particular counsellor – and that’s okay. Everyone is different, and it’s important to find someone you feel comfortable with. If you’re unsure after a few sessions, it’s worth discussing your feelings with your counsellor or trying a different therapist.

Vision Counselling has counsellors available across Perth City, Scarborough, and Baldivis, and we also offer online counselling sessions for clients across Western Australia. This flexibility means you can choose the location or format that feels right for you.

Ready to Book Your First Session?

Taking the first step towards counselling is a brave decision, and building rapport with your counsellor is a key part of making that step worthwhile.

If you’re ready to get started, you can book an appointment online today. Whether you prefer to visit us in Perth City, Scarborough, or Baldivis, or connect via telehealth from anywhere in WA, our friendly team is here to support you.

Book Now and take the first step towards a stronger sense of connection and wellbeing.

If you’ve ended—or are considering ending—a relationship that wasn’t “bad enough” to justify leaving, you might feel confused, guilty, or even ashamed. You’re not alone. And your pain is valid.

At Vision Counselling, we see this story often: people who stay for years in relationships that look fine from the outside but feel hollow on the inside. This article is for anyone carrying the silent grief of walking away from something that wasn’t all bad—but wasn’t quite enough.

Why We Stay “Too Long” in Okay Relationships

Many people struggle to leave long-term relationships that aren’t overtly harmful but leave them feeling unfulfilled. Why?

1. There Was No “Obvious” Reason to Leave

When there’s no cheating, abuse, or explosive conflict, it’s easy to gaslight yourself into staying. You tell yourself others have it worse. You focus on the good moments. You rationalise the emotional disconnect.

2. You Were Holding On to Hope

Hope is powerful. We hope they’ll change. We hope we’ll reconnect. We hope that this phase will pass. But when hope replaces honesty, it keeps us stuck.

3. Fear of Regret, Guilt or Judgment

Especially when your partner is a “good person,” leaving can feel selfish. You might worry what your friends, family, or children will think. You may fear hurting someone who never intended to hurt you.

4. Investment and Time

Psychologists call this the sunk cost fallacy — staying because you’ve already invested years, even if you’re not happy now. This is particularly strong in marriages, or relationships with shared property, finances, or children.

🧠 According to Relationships Australia, emotional dissatisfaction is one of the top three reasons people stay in unhappy relationships long after recognising their unhappiness.

What Grief Looks Like After a “Not-That-Bad” Relationship

Grieving a relationship that wasn’t toxic, but wasn’t right, can be a unique kind of heartbreak. It may look like:

• Questioning yourself constantly: “Was it really that bad?”
• Minimising your experience: “I should’ve just tried harder.”
• Feeling guilty for hurting someone else
• Loneliness with a side of confusion
• Difficulty dating again — especially if your ex wasn’t cruel

What makes this grief harder is that others might not understand it. You may not feel “entitled” to support, and so you don’t ask for it.

But here’s the truth: Your reasons were enough. Your pain is real. And you’re allowed to feel everything that comes with it.

Common Signs You Stayed Too Long

• You lost touch with your own identity in the relationship
• You feel numb or detached instead of relieved after leaving
• You constantly second-guess your decision, even though you know something was missing
• Your sense of self-worth took a hit from years of emotional disconnection
• You feel exhausted — not from the breakup itself, but from the years leading up to it

If this sounds familiar, counselling can help you make sense of what happened — not just between you and your partner, but within yourself.

How Counselling Can Help You Heal

You don’t need a crisis to justify seeking help. Counselling offers a safe space to unpack the “in-between” relationships—the ones that looked fine, but quietly drained you.

At Vision Counselling, we help individuals process:

• Unspoken resentment and unmet needs
• Loss of identity within a relationship
• Grief without closure
• Rebuilding emotional trust and boundaries
• Learning to listen to your gut again

Through therapy, many people realise they weren’t wrong for wanting more. And that leaving was, in fact, an act of self-respect—not failure.

Rebuilding After the Relationship Ends

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. But it does happen. Here are a few ideas to begin:

🟠 Reconnect with yourself

What did you give up to keep the peace? What passions, friendships, or truths got buried?

🟠 Validate your experience

Stop comparing your pain to someone else’s. Emotional neglect and emotional abuse may look different, but both hurt.

🟠 Let go of “shoulds”

“I should’ve stayed.” “I should be over it by now.” “I should be grateful.”
Replace “should” with “what do I need?”

🟠 Give yourself time

Grieving a long relationship—especially one you didn’t expect to leave—is messy. Don’t rush it.

Final Thoughts

Not all wounds come from broken trust. Some come from too much silence. From a thousand small unmet needs. From loving someone who couldn’t meet you where you were. And from staying when your heart had already moved on.

You are allowed to heal, even if the relationship wasn’t awful. You are allowed to want more, even if your partner wasn’t “bad.” And you are allowed to feel heartbroken, even if it was your choice to leave.

You are not alone.

💬 Struggling to move on from a relationship that wasn’t “bad enough” to leave?

At Vision Counselling, our Perth-based therapists understand the emotional complexity of these experiences.
We offer safe, compassionate support as you process, rebuild, and rediscover who you are.

👉 Book a confidential session today and take your next step forward.

These are the quiet frustrations we hear in counselling rooms every week. They’re often said with a half-laugh, but behind the words lies something deeper: emotional exhaustion. And it has a name — the mental load.

In many relationships, one partner (often—but not always—a woman) becomes the default keeper of logistics, responsibilities, and planning. It’s an invisible burden, and over time, it can quietly erode connection, intimacy, and even a sense of self.

What Is the Mental Load?

The mental load refers to the invisible, ongoing cognitive work of managing a household, family, and relationship. It’s not just about doing things—it’s about thinking about doing them:

• Noticing the milk is low
• Remembering to RSVP to the school event
• Anticipating that winter clothes will need replacing soon
• Managing emotional needs across the household

The partner carrying this load often becomes the one who is always thinking ahead, even during supposed downtime. It’s an exhausting, never-ending mental checklist—and it can lead to resentment when it goes unacknowledged or unshared.

Why It Matters in Relationships

When one person carries the bulk of the mental load, it can cause:

• Chronic stress and emotional burnout
• Breakdowns in communication
• Decreased intimacy
• Resentment and emotional withdrawal

And because the load is mostly invisible, the partner not carrying it may be completely unaware of its weight.

According to a 2022 Relationships Australia report, 61% of women said they carry the emotional burden of their household, compared to 32% of men. For many, this imbalance feels less like a partnership and more like unpaid emotional labour.

Signs One Partner Is Carrying the Mental Load

You or your partner might be carrying the mental load if:

• You’re the one who always remembers birthdays, appointments, or school activities
• You need to ask for help—but no one else anticipates what needs doing
• You feel like you can’t “switch off,” even when relaxing
• You’re often thanked for what you do, but not for what you carry mentally
• You find yourself saying, “It’s just easier if I do it”

Left unaddressed, this imbalance can turn into chronic disconnection.

How to Start Sharing the Load

Rebalancing the mental load isn’t about making a to-do list—it’s about shifting awareness, ownership, and teamwork. Here’s how:

1. Acknowledge It Exists

Start by naming it. Many couples don’t realise there’s an imbalance until one person finally burns out. Open a conversation with honesty, not blame.

Try: “I feel like I’m constantly thinking ahead for us—meals, bills, everything. It’s making me feel stretched and unseen.”

2. Shift from Helping to Ownership

A partner who “helps” is still waiting to be asked. True balance comes when both partners take initiative, anticipate needs, and share mental responsibility.

3. Divide Roles Based on Strengths

It’s not about 50/50 in every task—it’s about shared mental awareness. If one person handles bills, the other might handle school logistics. Balance the invisible load as well as the visible.

4. Check in Weekly

Have a Sunday night “reset” together. Review the week ahead, check in emotionally, and make sure the load isn’t creeping back onto one person’s shoulders.

When Mental Load Turns into Emotional Distance

Often, clients come to relationship counselling after years of carrying too much—and feeling unseen. The weight of the mental load doesn’t just lead to exhaustion. It chips away at trust, desire, and teamwork.

Counselling provides a neutral space where both partners can hear each other without defensiveness. It allows the partner carrying the load to speak freely—and the other partner to understand their role, often for the first time.

Final Thoughts

The mental load isn’t about laziness or control—it’s about invisible imbalance. Addressing it isn’t just practical; it’s emotional. It says, “We’re in this together.”

If you’re feeling the silent strain of unshared mental labour, you don’t have to carry it alone. A small shift in awareness can lead to big changes in connection.

💬 Struggling with imbalance or burnout in your relationship?

At Vision Counselling, we support couples across Perth to navigate mental load, rebuild emotional connection, and create healthier communication habits.
With multiple locations across Perth and online appointments available, support is closer than you think.

👉 Book your relationship counselling session today and take the next step toward a more balanced, connected partnership.

Emotional disconnection is one of the most common reasons couples seek relationship counselling—and one of the most misunderstood. While many people look for more obvious issues like cheating or constant fighting, it’s this quiet drift that can be the real red flag.

What Is Emotional Disconnection?

Emotional disconnection is the gradual erosion of emotional intimacy between partners. It can feel like:

• Talking without really communicating
• Being in the same room but not feeling seen
• Avoiding vulnerability to “keep the peace”
• Feeling more like flatmates than lovers

This form of detachment doesn’t always result from a specific event. Sometimes, it’s the slow accumulation of stress, life changes, or simply not making time for each other.

Why It Matters More Than You Think

According to relationship psychologist Dr. John Gottman, couples who stop turning toward each other emotionally are more likely to separate than those who argue regularly. It’s not conflict that kills connection—it’s indifference.

Emotional disconnection can:

• Increase feelings of loneliness, even within the relationship
• Lead to resentment, withdrawal, or infidelity
• Undermine trust, safety, and shared purpose
• Create communication breakdowns

Left unchecked, disconnection often snowballs into deeper emotional and relational problems.

Common Causes of Emotional Disconnection

There are many reasons couples start to drift:

• Stress and burnout: Work pressure, parenting, financial stress
• Major life transitions: Moving, career changes, becoming parents
• Unresolved conflict: Avoiding tough conversations builds walls
• Trauma or mental health struggles: Depression or anxiety can reduce emotional availability
• Technology and distraction: Screen time often replaces quality time

Understanding the why behind the disconnect is a crucial first step to repair.

Signs You Might Be Emotionally Disconnected

You may be emotionally disconnected if:

• You rarely have deep or meaningful conversations
• Affection has dwindled or feels mechanical
• You feel misunderstood or emotionally unsupported
• You’d rather talk to friends or coworkers about your feelings
• You argue about logistics, but never about feelings

If you’re feeling more like roommates than romantic partners, it’s time to pay attention.

How to Rebuild Connection

Reconnection is absolutely possible, but it requires intention and effort from both partners. Here’s how:

1. Start with Small Moments of Connection

Make eye contact. Say “thank you.” Ask “How was your day?” and really listen. These micro-moments matter.

2. Set Aside Quality Time (No Screens)

Prioritise regular date nights, walks, or coffee catchups—just the two of you, without distractions.

3. Speak Emotionally, Not Logistically

Try saying “I feel lonely when we don’t talk” instead of “You never talk to me.” Shift from blame to vulnerability.

4. Seek Relationship Counselling

At Vision Counselling, our experienced therapists provide a neutral space where both partners can explore what’s not being said and learn to communicate effectively.

Relationship counselling isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s for couples who want to reconnect before it’s too late.

Final Thoughts

Emotional disconnection often creeps in silently—but it speaks volumes about the health of your relationship. If you’re feeling distant from your partner, don’t wait for things to “get bad enough.” The earlier you seek support, the better your chances of rebuilding closeness and mutual understanding.

Remember: A strong relationship isn’t one without struggle, but one where both people are willing to reconnect and grow.

💬 Ready to reconnect and rebuild your relationship?
At Vision Counselling, our experienced counsellors are here to help couples navigate emotional disconnection, improve communication, and restore closeness.

Book a confidential session today and take the first step toward a stronger, more connected partnership.
👉 Book Now

The Double-Edged Sword of Digital Intimacy

Technology has revolutionized the way we connect with our partners. From instant messaging to video calls, digital tools have bridged physical distances, allowing couples to maintain closeness regardless of location. However, this constant connectivity can also blur boundaries, leading to potential issues in relationships.

A study by Pew Research Center found that 40% of partnered adults are bothered by the amount of time their partner spends on their cellphone, with younger adults reporting higher levels of distraction during conversations. (pewresearch.org)

Establishing Healthy Digital Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries around technology use is crucial for maintaining relationship health. Couples should discuss and agree upon acceptable behaviors, such as:

• Device-Free Zones: Designate certain areas or times (e.g., during meals or before bedtime) as tech-free to encourage direct interaction.
• Social Media Agreements: Decide together what is appropriate to share online about your relationship to prevent misunderstandings.
• Communication Expectations: Set expectations for response times and availability to avoid feelings of neglect or intrusion.

By proactively discussing these aspects, couples can prevent conflicts and foster mutual respect.

Navigating Trust and Privacy in the Digital Age

The digital landscape introduces new challenges to trust and privacy. Practices like sharing passwords or constant location tracking, while sometimes intended to demonstrate transparency, can lead to feelings of surveillance and control.

A survey by Our Watch revealed that nearly one-third of young Australians believe that jealousy and constant location tracking are normal or indicative of care in relationships. (dailytelegraph.com.au)

It’s essential for couples to differentiate between healthy transparency and invasive behaviors. Open discussions about comfort levels and boundaries can help maintain trust without compromising individual privacy.

Enhancing Connection Through Technology

While technology can pose challenges, it also offers opportunities to strengthen relationships:

• Virtual Dates: Couples separated by distance can schedule regular video calls to maintain intimacy.
• Shared Digital Activities: Engaging in online games or watching movies together can create shared experiences.
• Expressive Communication: Sending thoughtful messages or sharing digital photo albums can reinforce emotional bonds.

By using technology mindfully, couples can enhance their connection and adapt to modern relationship dynamics.

Seeking Professional Support

If digital challenges are impacting your relationship, seeking professional guidance can be beneficial. At Vision Counselling, we offer services tailored to address modern relationship issues, including:

• Relationship Counselling Perth
• Telehealth Counselling

Our experienced counsellors can help you navigate the complexities of digital intimacy and establish healthy boundaries.

Conclusion

In the age of technology, maintaining a healthy relationship requires intentional effort and open communication. By setting clear digital boundaries and leveraging technology to enhance connection, couples can navigate the digital landscape successfully. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, and resources are available to help you and your partner thrive in the digital age.

References:

1. Pew Research Center. (2020). Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age. (pewresearch.org)
2. Our Watch. (2025). ‘Comfort Zone’ Campaign Findings. (dailytelegraph.com.au)

Note: For personalized support, consider reaching out to Vision Counselling to explore how we can assist you in strengthening your relationship in today’s digital world.

Understanding Pre-Separation Counselling

Pre-separation counselling is a therapeutic process aimed at assisting couples who are considering ending their relationship. Unlike traditional couples therapy, which focuses on strengthening the relationship, pre-separation counselling provides a space to discuss the potential end of the partnership, explore feelings, and plan for the future.

In Australia, this form of counselling is gaining traction as couples seek clarity and support during challenging times. According to Dr. Aspasia Karageorge from Sydney City Psychology, early intervention can prevent conflict, aid in decision-making, and sometimes lead to reconciliation.

Benefits of Pre-Separation Counselling

1. Enhanced Communication

Counselling sessions provide a neutral ground for partners to express their thoughts and feelings openly. This environment fosters improved communication, allowing couples to understand each other’s perspectives and address misunderstandings.

2. Informed Decision-Making

By discussing the implications of separation, including emotional, financial, and familial aspects, couples can make well-informed choices about their future. This proactive approach can reduce uncertainty and anxiety associated with the decision to separate.

3. Emotional Support

The process of contemplating separation can be emotionally taxing. Counsellors provide support to help individuals process their emotions, cope with stress, and navigate the complexities of their situation.

4. Preparation for Co-Parenting

For couples with children, pre-separation counselling can address concerns related to co-parenting. Discussions may include parenting plans, communication strategies, and ways to minimize the impact of separation on children.

5. Potential for Reconciliation

In some cases, counselling may reveal underlying issues that, when addressed, can lead to reconciliation. By identifying and working through problems, couples may find renewed commitment to their relationship.

The Australian Context

In Australia, the importance of counselling in the context of separation is recognized by various organizations. Family Relationships Online, an Australian government initiative, emphasizes that family law counselling can help individuals manage the emotional impact of separation and improve communication with former partners.

Additionally, services like Centacare offer pre or post-separation counselling to assist couples and families in managing relationship issues arising from changes, separation, or divorce.

Common Questions About Pre-Separation Counselling

Integrating Pre-Separation Counselling into Relationship Support Services

Given the benefits of pre-separation counselling, integrating it into existing relationship support services can enhance the support available to couples. Organizations like Family Relationship Centres offer specialized pre-separation counselling services to address this need.

By providing tailored support for couples at this critical juncture, counselling services can play a pivotal role in promoting emotional well-being, informed decision-making, and, where possible, reconciliation.

Conclusion

Pre-separation counselling serves as a valuable resource for couples navigating the complexities of potential separation. By fostering open communication, providing emotional support, and facilitating informed decisions, it empowers individuals to approach their relationship crossroads with clarity and much needed support.

In the Australian context, where support services recognize the importance of counselling in managing relationship transitions, integrating pre-separation counselling into existing offerings can significantly benefit couples and families.

If you feel that you would like to meet with a counsellor for pre-separation counselling, you can choose a therapist for face to face counselling or online counselling here – https://www.visioncounselling.com.au/therapist-near-me/

References

• Family Relationships Online. (n.d.). Separation and counselling. https://www.familyrelationships.gov.au/separation/separation-counselling
• Centacare. (n.d.). Pre or Post Separation Counselling. https://www.cccsa.org.au/services/counselling-services/pre-or-post-separation-counselling/
• Daily Telegraph. (2024). Could pre-separation counselling save your divorce? Retrieved from https://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/lifestyle/preseparation-counselling-divorce/news-story/34bac3d1fe2faa62dc7c876ac9900c35
• Clinton Power. (2022). Pre-Divorce Counselling: 10 Reasons to Give It a Try. https://clintonpower.com.au/2022/06/pre-divorce-counselling/